I later understood that he kept coming back to me because he was scared of what he would to do himself if he was alone.I realized just how serious his condition was when I found myself in a cab on the way to the psychiatric ward, where he was waiting to check himself in after a day of suicidal thoughts.You can ask for an explanation or an answer all you want, but you probably won’t get it very readily, nor will it be something that makes sense to you.It is important to remind yourself that it is not your fault, and that ultimately, it’s not about you.After a night in the psych ward and a diagnosis of GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), OCD, and clinical depression, they let him out of the hospital, and entered him into an outpatient program that consisted of daily, intensive therapy.During this period, he was alternately short-tempered and sluggish, depending on the cocktail of drugs he was taking.
The thing with mental illness is that it’s hard to explain to someone on the outside, someone who doesn’t know what it’s like.
I sat with him until they admitted him, and then waited for a couple of hours until I was allowed to see him again.
Leaving him in that room, when visiting hours were over, was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
Maybe they're deaf, obese, have diabetes - but they're still deserving of love and romance.
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